I have quite a few friends that have had to recover after a betrayal in their relationships. This could look like a cheating spouse, a lying spouse, or anything in between. Luckily, I have been extremely fortunate within my relationship, but no marriage or relationship is ever textbook perfect. We have definitely had our struggles and our ups and downs, just like any relationship and this is completely normal. But, even knowing that it is normal, that does not mean that we do not struggle with our emotions. Relationships, no matter if they are fantastic or awful are full of emotions and those are hard to control, especially when you have been betrayed. Recovering after a betrayal is hard to do, but since so many of my friends have had to go through this, I wanted to give a few tips to help you out, if you ever have to go through it yourself:
Don’t Blame Yourself
First and foremost, do not blame yourself. If you were betrayed within your relationship or marriage, know that it had nothing to do with you at all. Betrayal is so hard to deal with (especially at first) and I know that it can be easy to blame yourself, but you are not at fault at all. You might think about what you could have done differently to avoid this, or you might think about what you can do in the future to prevent this from happening. Just know that no matter what you do going forward, it will not stop anything. You should not and cannot change yourself because at the end of the day, people do what they want and it has nothing to do with what you did or did not do.
Figure Out Your Plan Of Action
After you realize that this was not your fault, you will need to figure out a plan of action. Do you want to stay, or do you want to leave? If you stay, then you need to make sure that you can move forward in the near future, without harboring ill feelings towards your partner. I know that this is hard to do, but you cannot let this hold you captive. Your emotional health is very important and your emotions can either be your best friend or your enemy. We can easily become stuck in our feelings, mentally and even physically, as well. When we're depressed, we have trouble going about our daily routines or we overeat to try and steady our feelings. In order to heal from betrayal and keep it from reoccurring in the future, you have to keep your emotions in check. If you obsess over something that happened in the past, you become stuck in that moment in time. But if you can think logically and understand the need to move forward, you can indeed master your emotions.
Throw Betrayal Away
This is such a unique idea, but I love it so much! Huffpost says, “Throw betrayal away. I mean, literally throw it away! Try this exercise: write down on a piece of paper your worst case of betrayal. Capture the emotions, describe the terrible moment, and highlight the magnitude of the event. Get it out of your system, no matter how long ago it occurred. Then, fold this paper and get rid of it in a dramatic way. You can toss it in a dumpster, throw it into the ocean, even flush it down the toilet. I'm not encouraging you to litter the streets with letters of betrayal (or clog your bathroom), but I do want you to eliminate any traumatic traces by disposing of an object that holds your darkest emotions.” You need to forgive and learn to trust again in order to move on and if throwing the betrayal away will help you, go for it!
Hire A Private Investigator
Last but not least, if you need to SEE the progress in your marriage, I highly recommend hiring a private investigator such as Cowan Investigations, based out of New Jersey. Sometimes, you can hear progress, but you need to see that things are actually changing in order to move on and recover. I totally understand this!
Bob Cowan is the best private investigator for infidelity in NJ. He is the former Chief of the Jersey City Police Department and has close to 35 years of experience. “As the owner and primary private investigator for Cowan Investigations, Bob Cowan has invested in acquiring the latest high-tech surveillance equipment, allowing him to gather the hard evidence you need so you can determine how to best move forward in your relationship if you suspect your partner of cheating. While some other New Jersey Infidelity Investigators may have some of this same technology, what they often lack is the experience and expertise to use it properly. When working with Cowan Investigations, your trust and confidence in our work will be built on our many years of investigative and surveillance experience and detailed knowledge of our craft.”
In addition to infidelity investigations, they can also do background investigations, alimony investigations, child custody investigations, and cohabitation investigations, as well. Cowan Investigations says that your peace of mind is their business. They serve the New Jersey area 24/7 and Former Chief Cowan is prepared to put his wealth of knowledge and experience to work for you. For a free 30 minute consultation, call Bob at 732-201-8142.