Do you believe that the fire in any marriage fades away over time, being replaced by the routine as soon as the butterflies disappear from your stomach? Or are you sure that it’s just nothing more than a stereotype and delusion?
The truth is every relationship inevitably has ups and downs so that it’s natural that the spark comes and goes away from time to time. Often, when it feels like the fire in the marriage is vanishing, the real problem is sitting in ourselves – sometimes it happens when you or your partner are depressed or even bored with doing the same stuff over and over. It always takes two to keep up the spark through the daily hard work on own laziness, rudeness, selfishness, and bad habits, as well as through support, compassion, and quivering attitude to your beloved.
Don’t believe if someone says that after marriage your feelings have to go away! Actually, such union is meant to be a partnership in which two people work together in life on building a happy family, a challenge that is a journey, not a destination, a priority over everything else. If you’d like to keep the fire in your marriage for many years while remaining a self-sufficient individual (which is so much too important!), you can’t go wrong with the pieces of advice, listed below:
- Start Small
Keep it in mind that the secret of a happy marriage is in little things. You’re mistaken if you underestimate the power of a kiss on the cheek, or covering your soul mate with a blanket, or a back massage. Just do the things you know they love to show you really care and get them. But at the same time, learn not to worry about every bad little thing happening in your family life.
- Don’t Ever Stop Dating Your Spouse
Make your marriage an endless honeymoon stage: hold hands, make it a ritual to hug and kiss each other for no reason at all, say “I love you” and “you make me happy” regularly, write love notes and sweet text messages, keep flirting and do fun things together. Spice your life up by going on designated date nights every once in a while.
- Look For The Best In Each Other
You must have heard about the power of positive thinking many times. That’s exactly what can help to save your couple from divorce. Try making a pros list of your beloved or/and your relationship, focus on the good – remember that we always find exactly what we look for.
- Be Unpredictable – Maintain The Intrigue
Little spontaneous gestures towards each other can really keep the relationship strong and loving. Surprise your spouse from time to time instead of complaining that your marriage is too boring. Buy her flowers ‘just because’, or make his favorite meal sometimes, get a babysitter and do something unusual together.
- Make It Clear Your Partner Is Your Priority
No matter, how busy you are at work, or how many children you have, regularly make time for each other to show how important your partner is and how much you appreciate him. If you don’t invest energy in your family, it’s gonna fall apart sooner or later. You receive exactly what you give, okay?
- Be On One Team
Despite all affection and chemistry between you two, the marriage should work exactly like a good business, while the spouses should act like partners. This deal will be a successful bonding experience only if you both respect the other person’s opinion, set common goals, and act out of love and compromise, without causing fights. Be on one team when it comes to various issues, starting with planning romantic weekend and ending in some financial problems of the family.
- Avoid Words That Hurt More Than Swords
Even if you’re very angry or when arguing, try not to say the words that hurt a lot. You’ll make it up and forget about that quarrel next day, but your beloved will remember them forever. And your apology won’t erase those memories as well.
- Don’t Take It For Granted
Nobody owes anybody anything, that’s why “Thank you” is always in fashion. Appreciate everything your spouse does for you: making tea, buying lunch, taking the garbage out, bringing you a drink, helping with housework. Also, don’t worry to say “I’m sorry” even if you’ve only stepped on his (her) foot.
- Go On A Sex Adventure With Your Sweetheart
As we know, sex is one of the most important components of a happy and healthy marriage, but be very careful not to turn it into a boring mundane routine. Be adventurous, don’t afraid of trying new things, unusual places and different toys, share your sacred sexual desires, expectations, as well as what you don’t enjoy. Have lots of planned and spontaneous sex for both of you, be open for experiments and you’ll never get bored.
- Don’t Take Being An Adult Too Seriously
Laughter heals – find reasons to smile and laugh together every day to maintain your marriage afloat. Buy Lego and a video game for you “romantic” evening if you want so – you must be serious with the whole world, but with each other, you can be who you are.
- Communicate, Not Just Talk
Learn to listen and respect each other’s opinion, even if it is hard to hear, instead of just speaking out. Talk heartily and honestly about everything you feel and think. Talking about marriage problems is even more important, but it’s also the most difficult part of fixing them. Convince your soul mate that you’re not an enemy and you’re not looking for a fight or blaming him (her) for everything.
- Get Drunk Together
Go to the club or rent a hotel room as you used to do when you were dating. Get absolutely drunk together just to forget your responsibilities for one night and chill out.
- Connect Indirectly
Look for some creative or productive hobby: cook together, play games (what about a hide-and-seek in the mall?), paint, compose stories together – do anything that you can forge a connection over, that makes you get on the same wavelength.
- Be Kind
Just be good to each other – it always helps. Kindness manifests itself in many ways, but you know exactly when it’s there.
- Don’t Nag Each Other – Leave Personal Space
Just like the fire needs some oxygen to burn, the spouses need some room to breathe. It’s OK to have individual friends and outside interests that you only talk about, without intervention. Practice on a regular basis a day off for your beloved – take all responsibilities and give your honey complete freedom for the whole day.
- Share The Duties
One person can’t do all the housework, even if she or he doesn’t work. Help your spouse around the house or with cooking to show you really care.
- Do Something You’ve Never Done Before – Only The Two Of You
Especially if you have children! It’s very important to have a touch of privacy once in a while. Do something you wouldn’t typically do, but still like doing: go on a hike, where you can support each other on the difficult landscape, holding hands, and talking about everything, or drive out to another city (country) to experience a stunning new atmosphere together.
- Have At Least One Meal A Day Together
Make it a rule to have breakfast (dinner) together. Turn off the television, sit at the table and enjoy the time for husband and wife (and children if there are any) to share and connect.
- Be Intimate
Privacy is another secret of a happy marriage – the couple should have mutual secrets, something special that nobody knows, something too private to tell anybody else. Besides, if you want to keep the relationship, don’t talk bad about your beloved to other people, even if you’re pissed at him (her).
Be wise, trust each other, and never lie to keep the bright fire in your marriage. Love, be happy and loved!